Out for the Loot — Jase Graves

This summer, my wife and I took our three half-adult daughters on vacation to one of the most expensive places in America. No, we didn’t visit our local insurance office. We visited several beautiful and fascinating New England towns.

Our first stop was Newburyport, Massachusetts. We hadn’t planned to visit this charming coastal city, but after getting off the plane, securing a rental car big enough to fit the U.S. Olympic team (or our luggage), and driving north to our first planned destination, we were hungry—or at least I was.

We found a restaurant in the historic center and in the euphoria of the moment I made the grave mistake of telling the girls that they could order whatever they wanted. After we had finished the appetizers of delicious clam “chowdah” I heard my youngest and quietest daughter say something to the waiter about swordfish and unfortunately she did not ask how to catch one.

Well, I hear that pensions are overrated anyway.

Next on our list was picturesque Portland, Maine. I had always wondered if the locals in Maine would feed us lobster rolls non-stop as we crossed the state line, which didn’t sound too bad to me. I soon discovered, much to my wallet’s dismay, that lobster in Maine, while delicious, isn’t free—or even “buy one, get one free.”

The highlight of our time in Portland was a sunset visit to Portland Head Lighthouse in Cape Elizabeth. The lighthouse sits on a jagged coastline and is truly breathtaking. I even risked my life, limbs, and vital organs crawling across the waves while helping my daughters take some “fire” Instagram photos. We were all in high-key awe of the view — I think.

After Portland, we headed to Boston for what I thought would be a truly educational experience in one of the country’s most historically significant cities. Instead, I quickly found myself following my daughters down what is often called “the most expensive street in America.” Newbury Street in the Back Bay neighborhood is best known for its Victorian brownstones and, most importantly, its shopping. I spent the next few hours hanging out outside historic locations like TJ Maxx, Sunglasses Hut, and Urban Outfitters.

The next morning we walked out to Boston Harbor to go whale watching, which is basically what our neighbors do when I trim the hedges shirtless. It was really cool to watch the humpbacks jump and dive, but it would have been even more awesome if I had remembered to wear sunscreen and my head didn’t look like a giant pomegranate.

Next on our itinerary was a trip to Saratoga Springs, New York, to visit this beautiful seaside town for some shopping (of course) and a concert featuring some of our daughters’ favorite artists, Niall Horan and Del Water Gap – singers who would probably consider me old enough to use Google to figure out who the heck they are. The concert was great, but I expected my wife and I to be escorted to the nursing home at any moment.

We ended our trip with a short but fun visit to Providence, Rhode Island, where we had seafood in the Federal Hill neighborhood, went shopping, took a historic “ghost walk” in the College Hill neighborhood, and shopped some more.

My wife and I know that the days of family vacations are numbered, so we’re taking the opportunity while we can.

On these trips we encourage our girls to love their families and live life to the fullest, just don’t order the swordfish.

You can contact Jase Graves at [email protected].