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When a traveler comes across as a ‘been there, done that’ person, it’s conversation-killer

Dear Eric, I have been fortunate enough to meet some famous people and to visit many places around the world. Often, because of my work, also places where tourists do not go.

Sometimes someone in a group I’m with will mention that they’re reading about a person or place that I know something about from personal experience. When I volunteer that I’m personally familiar with that person or place, the reaction is almost always negative. The conversation dies, people walk away.

Apparently I come across as a “been there, done that” type. For example, I would like to gain first-hand knowledge about a person or place, but apparently most others don’t think that way. My response now is to stay quiet and on the fringes of such conversations.

—Lonely traveler

Dear traveler: Although this is not your intention, I fear that your contribution may be perceived by some as bragging. Traveling is not equally accessible to everyone. Many travelers like to take knowledge and stories back with them, but those who missed the boat may not appreciate these souvenirs.

The next time you find yourself in one of these conversations, take the opportunity to ask the audience what excites or interests them about an individual or location. Let them talk about their own connection. It may not be as informed as yours, but that doesn’t make it any less valuable.

If you want to share that you have first-hand knowledge, make sure you respond to their story. Speak from your own enthusiasm, rather than your expertise. This makes the conversation a group of people talking about the wonders of the world, rather than one person seemingly giving a lecture, even if that is not your intention.

I sense in you a desire to tell your travel story. That is also what these people are trying to do. Take the opportunity to continue learning about exotic places even while you are here at home.

Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at [email protected] or PO Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.