Is Population Density the Reason Americans Can’t Talk Politics? – Things George writes

A few weeks ago I was at a work dinner with other members of my team. We were at a great restaurant in downtown Austin. The snacks had come and gone, the drinks had arrived and the conversations had picked up a bit from the perfunctory discussions about work projects and the weather. As inevitably happens, a lull in the conversation occurred and a member of our technical team, Vinay (not his real name), stepped up and asked if he could ask our table a somewhat sensitive question.

I Love controversial conversations. I was also sitting right next to Vinay, so I immediately told him to shoot. There were about 8 people at our table, and I figured that even if the conversation got a little spicy, the background noise of the restaurant and the organic cross-conversations would be able to cover it.

“Why is it rude for Americans to talk about politics?”

He said it kindly and urgently. It was clear he didn’t feel like having a heated conversation or challenging anyone at the table. He continued:

“In my hometown in India, everyone talks about politics all the time. And most of us disagree. But that’s okay. I can even tease other people about our political differences, and that doesn’t get in the way of friendships. Why isn’t that the case here in the US?”

People fidgeted at the mention of the word politics, and another member of the engineering team sitting across from me chuckled as if to defuse the tension. “Well, it’s something we’ve all learned: politics and money are not topics for polite company!” He looked around as if to say, “What can you do?”

But Vinay was having none of that.

“Sure, there’s some social training going on here, but I bet you all can feel the tension if you even ask your colleagues this question. Why is that? Why can’t we disagree and stay friendly at work? It’s not that we make policy decisions, we work at a technology company that writes code.”

Another colleague interjected: “It’s so hard to make friends as a parent, I don’t want to risk losing a friendship because of political beliefs.” Several others nodded in agreement.

Vinay smiled self-deprecatingly, “I’m sorry, I have to elaborate on that. How is it that a disagreement over something as abstract as politics is an acceptable reason to end a friendship? Do all Americans spend most of their weekends attending political rallies?”

I made a half-hearted response to a comment: “I think in America political beliefs and violence are more closely intertwined than in other parts of the world. I would be a little worried that I would get a blow if I got too deep into politics with someone who disagreed with me.” I said that last bit sarcastically to help diffuse the tension.

Vinay smiled apologetically at me. “You know that people have been lynched in India in recent months due to political violence, right? Americans think their politics are so polarized, but in India it’s even worse right now. Has anyone been murdered in America recently for being a Democrat or Republican?

I felt quite stupid, I clearly didn’t have much control over the political situation in India. I had to admit that no one I had heard of had died because of their party membership. And if that happened, I suspected I would have heard about it.

I meekly replied, “I don’t think so, that’s a fair point.”

Luckily, Vinay didn’t want to embarrass me and continued, “In Bangalore, my family lives in an apartment building and when I go to visit, I have conversations with a few dozen people every day. If politics were as divisive as it is here in America, I would have no friends left.”

That got me thinking. “You know, one thing that’s very different between most of the US and most of India is the population density. I live in a suburb here in Austin and I really have to go out of my way to see my neighbors at all.

A few of my colleagues shook their heads in agreement.

“Most of the time it’s like I don’t have any neighbors. There is a lot of physical space separating people. If I have even a mildly awkward situation with someone, it would be easy for me to never see them again.”

Vinay thought about that for a moment. “I couldn’t avoid most of the people in my apartment building if I wanted to, I almost trip over them as I come and go.”

Added another colleague. “This is all consistent with my experiences. I’ve been trying to find a tennis partner to play with and the one guy who is the most reliable lives about 20 minutes away from me. If either of us said something to insult each other, it would be very easy to make excuses not to play again. That’s one of the reasons why we don’t talk about politics.”

As he concluded that thought, the entrees began to arrive. Vinay grudgingly accepted that something as trivial as population density could be an important catalyst for shaping a cultural norm against offending others.

More food came, we drank and talked about other topics. You felt the tension dissipate as the dreaded ‘P’ word was replaced with other, more polite topics.